The working mom’s handbook. (1989, August). Ladies Home Journal, p. 55.

OVERVIEW

VOICES OF KIDS

At night when she can’t come to tuck me in, I’d like my mom to leave a little note on my dresser. Something like good night and all that. By the way, even though my mom’s not always around when I want her, I’m proud of her.
—Sam Spies, 7, Hollins College, VA

When my mom works on weekends, it’s really important to me to have a chance to say good-bye to her, but lots of times she’s up and out of the house before my sister and I are awake. Then I like her to leave a note. And call a lot.
—Julie Bloom, 11, Dallas, TX

I would like my mom to spend time with me learning to write and draw. I want this time to be alone with her, without my older or younger brother.
—Eric Scherr, 6, Hopewell Junction, NY

I like it when Mom and Dad come to lunch at the day-care center and help serve. Then they eat with me and my friends.
—Grant Stephens, 6, Topeka, KS

I wish my mom could come and watch me swim more at the day-care center. She takes pictures of me then. She feels happy and proud, and so do I.
—Heather Bond, 6 1/2, Topeka, KS

When Mom and Dad pick me up from the after-school program, it would be nice if they could have dinner ready so we could spend a nice quiet evening at home. Just once a week, if they could do that and not rush off to more meetings.
—Joanna Clarke-Sayer, 10, Asheville, NC

If my mom would wake up earlier and put on less makeup and maybe take a shower the night before, we’d have a better chance of getting to school on time.
—Zoe Klein, 7 1/2, Springs, NY

VOICES OF MOMS: GUILT OR RESPONSIBLE CHOICE?

I think my kids are better off BECAUSE they’re in day care. If I were home all the time, I don’t think I’d meet my own high standards. They’re exposed to so many more activities at the center than they would be at home.
—Patricia Porras, 30, 3 children, dental assistant, El Paso, TX

I agree. I confess—my own son does not fingerpaint in my house.
—Joanne Asaba, 35, 1 child, Director of Division of Family and Youth Services, Seattle

Christopher is an only child, and I want him in day care for the socialization, so he can be around kids his age.
—Jean Fowler, 44, 1 child, special education teacher, Rochester, NY

And Play-Doh is not available at mine. I think I did the best thing I could for my children by putting them in day care. Look I didn’t even go to work until I had my first child. The dishes were piling up in the sink, I was watching soap operas all day, and here was this little baby crying, and I said to myself, ‘Can I stand eighteen more years of this?’ Maybe that makes me sound like a bad mother, but that’s honestly the way I feel.
—Theresa Wetzel, 39, 2 children, systems analyst, Silver Lake, KS

I wanted to go back to work, too, but from the moment I announced my pregnancy, I felt tremendous pressure from my relatives to either quit or take a less-pressured job. It was amazing—these were women who had worked themselves! I felt very guilty about my decision then, less so now. But there’s no question I’d rather be working.
—Joanne Asaba

Not me. I love my job, but am I nuts? If I didn’t have to work, I’d rather be home.
—Anne McLaurin, 33, single mother, 3 children, sanitary department maintenance-crew member, Antioch, CA

SUPERMOMS

I used to think everything had to be just so with my kids. Then I realized: That’s not mothering, that’s bondage.
—Anne McLaurin

A long time ago I realized I wasn’t Mary Poppins. Many women probably would not have made the decision I did to go back to work. But it was right for me.
—Theresa Wetzel

The day care center closes at five-thirty, but I can’t always leave my office at the stroke of five. Stress for me is realizing that it’s five twenty-nine and I still haven’t found a parking spot.
—Joanne Asaba

FINDING DAY CARE

When my second daughter was born, six years ago, I had a very rough time. I had to go back to work after six weeks. But in Kansas it’s practically impossible to find affordable daycare for an infant.
—Theresa Wetzel

I was luckier than Theresa. My maternity leave lasted four months...Believe it or not, in Seattle, good spots are so scarce, you have to sign up before a child is even born!
—Joanne Asaba

It’s not just in Seattle. When I was director of child care in Lancaster, (PA), I received a call from a woman who was THINKING about getting pregnant and wanted to know whether she could reserve a place for her child.
—Rhea Starr, YWCA

COMPETITION AND JEALOUSY WITH CAREGIVERS

It is hard to rush into the room with your arms open wide, only to have your child run to the baby sitter and give her the hug you’ve been dreaming about all day.
—Joanne Asaba

I can honestly say I’m not jealous of the caregivers, but then I’m in a different situation from the rest of you. The people at the center are like our extended family, and I get a lot of encouragement from them.
—Anne McLaurin

I think the only way to handle the problem of competition and jealousy is to make sure you communicate with your caregiver. I let her know how I feel about issues—not only when I’m upset but also when I’m pleased.
—Joanne Asaba

QUALITY TIME

There’s no quality time at my house during the week. On weekends, yes, but during the week? Forget it. You know what I do to get time alone with each of them? I give them baths. And I try to lie down with my kids and just hug them and tell them a little about my day...I used to worry a lot about quality time. Then I learned it doesn’t have to be anything special. Last month, because of a fluke in my schedule, I had a chance to take my kids to school. We were early, so I spent time with my youngest on the playground. You know, he still hasn’t stopped talking about those ten minutes on the swings.
—Anne McLaurin

HELP FROM HUSBANDS

LHJ: Let’s talk about husbands? How involved are fathers today?

If my husband and I didn’t take turns with child care, no one would ever get out of the house!...Of course the fact that my husband really doesn’t want me to work at all doesn’t make it any easier.
—Patricia Porras

Well, we have a real division of labor in my house. My husband sees his role as that of bread-winner, mine as caretaker of the home and family...one winter I was working two jobs and it was impossible for me to break away to get my daughter. My husband’s schedule was more flexible, so I asked him to get her. I don’t know if it was psychological or what, but he had more flat tires that winter than we ever had. He just couldn’t deal with it. He admitted he’d rather have me quit and not make that extra money...
—Theresa Wetzel

LHJ: It’s amazing...these men...fall apart when it comes to taking care of their own kids. What ever happened to the New Father?

The New Father? I married him. My husband cooks dinner every night, and he’s in charge in the morning. That’s my worst time, but somehow he manages to get himself and Christopher ready...Without his help, I couldn’t manage.
—Jean Fowler

CONCLUSION

This useful article continues with full-page tips in the following areas:

• When you’re looking for day care...
• Tip-offs for determining: did you make the wrong choice? (Spotting undesirable day care centers)
• What’s the government doing about child care?
• Mommy, I don’t feel good... (Handling illness that day care kids get—more often that other children)
• What day-care workers would advise mothers.
• On their own: what to tell latchkey kids.
• Stressbusters: dealing with the pressures.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. What are the kids saying? How are they doing? What do they seem to be gaining? What are they losing? What are they needing?
2. Are working moms and day care centers "an option" or "fact of life" for most women and families?
3. What is happening between mothers and fathers in two-career families?
4. What questions does the issue of parenting bring to you?
5. What are the most helpful principles you have found here? How can they be applied in your (or other) family (-ies)?

IMPLICATIONS

1. With most mothers working in America, it is important to face the issues and strains that such arrangements bring to families already facing problems.
2. This article does not argue the point of whether women should be working; it seeks to hear the issues and discover realistic helps.
3. The strength of the family and society is an issue that needs continual evaluation, discussion, and implementation. Church, schools, government, and families face these challenges together.