Barras, J.R. (2000). Whatever happened to daddy’s little girl: The impact of fatherlessness on black women. One World.

OVERVIEW

More has been written about the impact of fathers and fatherlessness on boys than on girls. With this book, Barras has attempted to fill that void. Abandoned by the man she thought was her biological father, she came to realize she had been abandoned by three men.

Girls who lack fathers, she says, can suffer a lifetime fearing abandonment and rejection, feeling unworthy and unlovable, avoiding intimacy and commitment. Such woman may obsessively seek to fill the void with alcohol, sex, and drugs. They may experience bouts of anger, rage, and depression.

This is not only a poignant telling of her own story and of insights derived from her suffering. This book provides proposals for healing for those who seek release from the "fatherless woman syndrome." It begins with a 25-question self-examination and includes practical advice for healing.

The most powerful introduction to this book is listening to some of its striking quotations:

By the time I was eight years old, I had already lost three fathers—Bill, John, Noel. Each one had abandoned me. Each one wounded me—emotionally and psychologically…A girl abandoned by the first man in her life forever entertains powerful feelings of being unworthy or incapable of receiving any man’s love. Even when she receives love from another, she is constantly and intensely fearful of losing it. (p. 1)

Teen girls who grow up without their fathers tend to have sex earlier than girls who grow up with both parents. Sometimes sex isn’t enough. Fatherless girls develop an obsession with having a baby. (p. 70)

I know the symptoms of the syndrome… (p. 74) I think every man wears my father’s face…The search is relentless. Obsessive. Destructive. Pathetic. I go from house to house, from bed to bed, from wrong man to wrong man—sometimes the right man for the wrong reason. I am impatient and intolerant. Absolutely confused. I proclaim victory where there has been none and declare defeat far to prematurely. This is wisdom sculpted from hindsight, disappointment, fear, and resolve. (p. 89ff)

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. What is your interest in this book, and do you plan to read it?
2. Who, in your opinion, needs to read this book?
3. The book is especially directed to black women. How universal across cultures do you consider it to be?
4. What do religion and traditional wisdom say about the place of a father in a girl’s life?
5. How do you see society best treating this syndrome? How can it be prevented?

IMPLICATIONS

1. This book fills an important void; there are several fine books about girls but none have dealt specifically with the issue of fatherlessness.
2. The issue of the black family has been a sensitive one since the infamous Moynihan Report (1965). Books like Andrew Billingsley’s Climbing Jacob’s Ladder: The Enduring Legacy of African-American Families (1992) puts the issue of black families in historical and sociological perspective noting the strength and resiliency of black families.
3. Within the critical issues of racism and poverty, it is important to hear individual voices such as Jonetta Barras.
4. A society with any concern for its future will give study the issue of fatherlessness and move to support and strengthen fathers who can serve their families with dignity.

Dean Borgman cCYS