Borgman, D. (1987). Tips for counselors and people helpers. S. Hamilton, MA: Center for Youth Studies.

OVERVIEW

PRACTICAL PRINCIPLES IN COUNSELING

• Love (young) people, and do not be surprised when they share their problems.
• Remember you are not preaching or teaching, but counseling.
• Counseling is listening, helpful response, and encouragement to fulfill goals.
• Learn and practice active listening, employing empathetic responses. Be a good listener: accept, affirm, clarify, confront, reinforce.
• Listen to the speaker as if he or she is the most important person in the world at that time.
• Let the speaker set the direction: stick to the speaker’s subject; try not to interrupt; use the speaker’s words to clarify or get your point across.
• Learn, memorize, and apply a helping model (a working strategy of counseling).
• The listener is not solving someone’s problems or giving him or her solutions, but helping one solve one’s problems in one’s own way.
• It is helpful to be warm, genuine, and accepting.
• The counselor is not asked to give up his or her beliefs or values, but counseling is most helpful when it does not impose one’s values on others. Be careful about giving advice. Do not argue.
• The counselor should be aware of his or her own feelings and reaction to the speaker. Do not probe to satisfy curiosity.
• Follow the issues and themes that emerge from the speaker.
• Always evaluate the need for referral. Is there a chance of suicide or a serious problem that may need medication or diagnosis?
• Move beyond the circumstances to the feelings.
• Point out to the person what he or she is doing to him- or herself.
• Help counselees come up with their own solutions using their own strategies.
• The counselor should not tell one’s own story; let the counselee tell their story. Illustrations from the counselor’s life usually distract.
• Ask questions sparingly and in such a way that leads toward the goal and lets the helpee do most of the talking. Avoid "why" questions—"how" or "what" are better.
• Tactfully expose blind spots to the speaker.
• Be ready to role play difficult situations, for example, tensions within or relational conflicts. Take the part of the weaker or less articulate member.
• Do not be judgmental; be a friend and guide. But the counselor must make the speaker face reality and take responsibility for his or her attitudes and actions and their consequences.
• Give (young) people the freedom to fail. Allow them to make mistakes. They are on a journey and must learn their own way.
• Be extremely careful about the matter of confidentiality. Ask permission before talking to parents or others. Tell the counselee if police or others must be notified. The only exception is the counselor’s own supervisor.
• A counselor should acquire an advisor or supervisor to review his or her cases. It may be necessary to pay for this service.
• Counseling should have closure. Be clear about terminating. Deal with feelings of anger or pain in separation. Consider future reinforcement. Counseling should lead to the speaker’s independence.
• A youth counselor should let young people know one’s availability for them when they need a helpful listener. But there must be reasonable limitations especially if dependency or manipulation is sensed.