Ely, E. (1999, June 27). "Slouching toward suicide." The Boston Globe, p A22.

OVERVIEW

Written by a psychiatrist, this article seems to tell two stories about power and control. The first describes a patient, not well liked, in a residential treatment facility, who suddenly stood up and took control of a community meeting.

‘Attention,’ he said in a gravelly voice. ‘I would like to propose a vote. How many people in this room want me to die.’

A certain number of hands went immediately up before the staff could prevent it.

‘All right,’ he said—talking quickly as the head nurse moved in—‘how many in this room would like me to hang myself? Shoot myself? Jump out a window? Raise your hands, please.’

It was death by absurd consensus; so absurd, so cheerfully tallied that the doing was unthinkable...The patient was borne away, still trying to finish his count, and the meeting resumed. He did not want to die. Everyone knew it.

For a minute or two, this man had gotten attention.

That same night the psychiatrist was awakened and summoned to the emergency room where another man had been bandaged after slashing his wrists.

The patient sat in a cubicle holding his bandaged hands in his lap, waiting for the examination with a disarming graciousness. He was perfectly cool. He was the host of the meeting. He had called us together.

He was my age. We may have gone to college together. The last name was familiar; his family was prominent in the art world, famous for philanthropy, and he had the carriage of someone used to being thanked. He himself had a graduate degree in architecture and had an interesting job. His hair was a subtle red, which clashed with the drying stains on his pants and shirt. He reeked of high-class alcohol and apologized for the odor.

He answered all my questions like a gentleman; he had all the time in the world for me, he was at my disposal, even at this uncivil hour in the middle of the night when he was tired, in some pain, and hung over. Yes, he had been trying to die. No, he had no cosmic complaints, no terminal illness, nor recent romantic catastrophe, no bankruptcy. Yes, he was sorry it had not succeeded (and sorry he smelled so bad). Yes, he planned to try again. No, he was not going to tell me his reasons.

I felt the clumsiness of the questions. They seemed suddenly coarse and silly...

The patient realized the psychiatrist was obligated to hospitalize him and to assign him to the most secure locked ward.

‘Of course,’ he said, adjusting his bandage. ‘And then I will get out.’

At that moment, I understood the emptiness of our charming encounter. He had understood it all along. He was in charge...he was patient and good-humored...he would succeed.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. Why do you think the psychiatrist wrote this column?
2. What do you see as the difference between these two men?
3. What can you learn about suicide, about life and death, from these stories?
4. If you were close to, or in charge of, these two men, what would you do and say?
5. Could a discussion of these stories benefit a young person contemplating suicide? How might it do so, or under what conditions might it make things worse?
6. What more do you want to know about human nature and suicide? How could you gain that understanding?

IMPLICATIONS

• Suicide is one way people who sense no control over their lives can gain attention and power.
• All of us need to love and be loved, and part of being loved involves having someone pay attention to us. In fact we need to be loved and be attended by others and ourselves. There are some who sense themselves not loved by anyone...even themselves.
• Everyone also needs some sense of control and respect, the ability to act significantly. Failure in real life can turn someone to the escape in addictions or vicarious experience. When vicarious, virtual living, and getting high are seen as dead ends, people can desire the seeming relief and significance of death.
• Trust is more powerful than disrespect and love than death. There is a deep desire to live in every human being. Love and respect must tap into that desire.
• Genuine relationships, proper medication and treatment, can help most. Some will still slip through the cracks. Painful as it is, we must accept that reality.

Dean Borgman cCYS