A sense of humor can make life more fun and bearable. "Humor can take the tension out of stress, the irritation out of frustration, prevent overreaction to mishaps, and provide perspective in times of anger." A sense of humor gives an alternative and is therefore good for mental health. Looking at life with a sense of humor teaches flexibility. And flexibility is a good tool to have in a world that is fraught with complexities.

Alvin Poussaint, a psychiatrist and a script consultant for the popular "Cosby Show," believes that humor is a comfortable way of teaching. "Parents who are skilled at it, like Bill Cosby in the show, can use it to make a point and discipline without blowing a cork. You seem more accessible to a child when you use humor. You reach out by pulling them in, rather than pushing them away." Cosby’s style is to use absurdity and exaggeration which for a child immediately brings it to a peer level. This then, provides the freedom for the child to develop the ability to laugh at himself and at difficult situations.

One of the biggest misconceptions from a parent’s standpoint is the definition of "respectable adult behavior." If one believes that this requires soberness and an attitude of being the constant disciplinarian, then one’s perceived image needs to be reviewed.

"You can be fun one minute and a disciplinarian an hour later. One does not eliminate the other," according to Philip Levendusky, a cognitive behavioral specialist. "It is fun to be playful and it enriches the nature of the interaction. It also helps children deal with changes and the unpredictability of life." However, it is fully agreed that there are times when humor is not appropriate and it falls flat. There is a balance, and when the issue is safety then there is no room for humor. But there is also the fact that for some people humor does not come easily. Psychologist Nan Haar warns that "You can’t cover up with humor you don’t feel. A kid will read you." She and others offer these tips when humor does not come easily:

• Go with the flow. Make a conscious effort to ease up. If you discover a child doing something you told him not to do, try saying, "Aha, caught you again!" instead of "What do you think you are doing?"
• Have conversations with yourself. "Spilling milk four times in a row was exhausting and it made me cross so I will back off and try to calm down and see the humor here."
• Do something uncharacteristic. Take the kids to see an appropriate movie or teach them a new game.
• Read some books on humor.
• Test out your use of humor. If it falls flat use it as an opportunity to laugh at yourself.
• Using humor does not mean that you need to be telling jokes all the time.

1. Humor is a relational tool, one worth having and developing if one works with people.
2. Humor has a language of its own and speaks volumes by the message it gives. It tells people that they are not basically bad. It is only the situation that may be intolerable, and that will pass.
3. Teaching people to see the humor in a situation is an art and needs to be done often. One also needs to allow people to test out this skill and offer them a safe place to "fail."
4. Humor should only be used when you feel the humor in a situation. It should not be used at the expense of another.
5. Looking at life with a lighter spirit and a bit less seriousness is going to allow us freedom as well as earn us the respect of having others listen to what we have to say.

Anne Montague cCYS

IMPLICATIONS

Meltz, B. (1988, September 5). A sense of humor can work wonders. Boston Globe.

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