Oraker, J.R. (1988). "Self-esteem: For better or worse." Inside the Mission. Colorado Springs, CO: YoungLife. Reprinted with permission.

OVERVIEW

Helping our young people feel better about themselves is a goal of many educators nationwide. Why? Because a number of prominent researchers have concluded that teenage trouble is often a result of young people not liking themselves very well. My research shows that among junior and senior high school students in two schools in Colorado Springs, 34 percent of the females and 38 percent of the males are in a mid-to-low range of self-esteem. Two to four percent fall in the very low range. There are many symptoms which indicate attempts by adolescents with low self-esteem to acquire approval or to escape personal pain. Some of the symptoms are: drinking or taking drugs; a desire to wear the "right" clothing; "acting out" for attention; vandalizing property or intimidating others; putting others "down" to raise themselves up; attempting suicide or substance abuse.

While some of these symptoms may not be solely motivated by low self-esteem, many are, and the result is often self-destructive, distorted attempts to gain power or status. "Self-esteem" is the way we have come to feel about ourselves. We generally approve of ourselves when we feel positively about ourselves and disapprove when we feel negatively. Stanley Coopersmith, a noted researcher, believes that self-esteem reflects the extent to which an individual believes himself or herself to be capable, significant, successful, and worthy. He measures an individual’s self-esteem by asking for a response to statements such as: "It’s pretty tough to be me" or "Many people are better liked than I am."

Another researcher of self-esteem, Morris, asks for responses to similar statements: "On the whole I am satisfied with myself," or "I am able to do things as well as most other people." Thus, self-esteem is the overall judgement an individual has and maintains of himself or herself.

There is very little mystery about the development of self-esteem. It is learned and is a product of relationships from birth. When we reject someone he will tend to disapprove of himself. When we encourage him he will tend to approve of himself. Thus, we can only conclude that many young people are being "used" instead of encouraged. Simply stated, self-esteem is enhanced by loving a person unconditionally (treating him or her as significant and worthy) and by teaching a person new skills (making him or her feel capable and successful). I think we can safely say that unconditional love (grace) and skills (works) are keys to self-esteem. We seem to be created with needs for these. Furthermore, it is our responsibility to give them as gifts to each other.

IMPLICATIONS

It takes time, commitment, energy, and thought to raise a person’s self- esteem. Pick a project of interest and teach the new skill to another (e.g., reading, painting, playing a sport, or cooking). Spending time with an individual shows you care about him or her. It says that he or she is good to be around and you enjoy his or her company. Build in good contact time with young people especially. Be careful to spend time listening to their opinions, crying with them, building on their thoughts, hopes and dreams. Learn, understand, and develop unconditional love for yourself so you can share it with others.

Jim Oraker and Anne Montague cCYS