Oraker, J. (1988). "Responsible sexuality in ministry." Inside the Mission. Colorado Springs, CO: Young Life. Reprinted with permission.

OVERVIEW

Sexuality encompasses all of life; it involves how we treat ourselves and others and as such it is central to our proclamation of the Gospel in relational ministries. In this article I want to sketch some dynamics of sexuality in relationships, especially in adult/adolescent relationships, and along with that discussion to share some guidelines to help us proclaim a clear gospel of hope.

The goal of this article is to help us create a supportive, sexual atmosphere within the groups we serve, an atmosphere where individuality is appreciated, sexism is absent, humor is not demeaning or devaluating, seduction and exploitative behavior is nonexistent, and where people are treated with dignity.

Several years ago in an article in Youthworker Journal, Earl Palmer noted the power of human sexuality when he said that "the power of human sexuality is, first and foremost, the power of life itself." In addition, he said that not only is there this inherent power to be dealt with but, "powerful feelings are at work as well in our decisions and our attitudes about sexuality." Such power in an area leads him to include sexuality as part of the Bible's theology of dominion, "Our sexual nature is a dominion given to us, and for our expression, or restraint of it, we are held accountable by God."

I like the idea of dominion, because it clearly helps us see that our sexuality is an area that is under our control. No matter how strong or demanding our drives and feelings-we make choices and we live with the outcomes of those choices. Understanding what lies behind our sexual feelings may help us make positive choices in our actions. Below are some of the normal dynamics of human sexual interaction, with some comments on how they might apply in a ministry situation.

Physical attraction is learned and will be aroused by certain stimuli. This means you will be physically attracted to many individuals in a variety of situations-it will happen. Kids in your ministry, coworkers, parents, committee members-no group is immune from being potentially sexually attractive to you.

• Need level will contribute to physical arousal. If you are hurt, rejected, lonely, or in an unsatisfactory emotional relationship, you will probably be more vulnerable to feelings of attraction. The same goes for the kids you work with.
• Attraction-physical arousal is usually the first impression you will have and you will usually approach a person you find attractive without even thinking about it.
• Arousal is associated with behavior promising need reduction. This means that your attraction is often based perhaps on your unconscious needs and desires which seek fulfillment.
• Since arousal is ego centered it can infringe on the rights and space of another person. Attraction is a personal experience-you might be attracted to someone who is not at all attracted to you. Attraction is felt independently of the feelings of another. Because of this, satisfying one's desires can be a selfish act, a forced act, or an act of mutual consent.
• Relationships built totally on physical arousal or passion have little or no regard for the other as a person.
• A responsible physical relationship regards the other person, cares for the person, and supports the person with a relationship of commitment and intimacy.
• Individuals in professional ministry have established themselves as potentially attractive models-they are usually outgoing, self-assured, and caring-therefore, they promise the fulfillment of many emotional needs to the people they minister to.

In this position they are responsible to maintain any relationship with dignity and respect.

• Persons in ministry must take full responsibility for transferences (any romantic, sexual, or dependent feelings kids, parents, or coworkers might have for you), which may result from your ministry. People will respond to you out of their own past relationships and needs and you must be prepared for the situation.
• In addition, persons involved in ministry to minors are responsible to those in positions of authority over the minors. In most cases this will be a parent or parents. No matter how "awful" the parents might be, their position must be respected.
• Unless professionally licensed, those in ministry cannot identify themselves as psychotherapists, social workers, or marriage and family therapists. They may counsel as a professional person in ministry if they are associated with an organization recognized to do ministry as a church or so designated. But both they and their organization are responsible for their conduct. In many cases the best advice to give to families with problems is a wise referral to professional help. Get to know the resources in your community, so you can refer people comfortably.
• Touch is a powerful stimulus-use with caution. Many messages can be conveyed in a touch from a patronizing or demeaning pat on the head or arm, to a seductive-suggestive touch, or a supportive, secure hug. Touches say something about the person doing the touching and the person being touched. They can elicit unclear or confusing messages. Keep your messages clear and appropriate.

IMPLICATIONS

• When dealing with kids, be responsible for and constantly monitor the atmosphere of the group. It must be supportive and healthy.
• All humans are sexual beings. This sexuality needs to be expressed in a controlled and healthy way. It is a gift from our Creator and we are accountable to it.
• Do not be afraid of your sexuality; be comfortable with it. This important article helps to construct a healthy perspective about sexuality in work or ministry. This information is particularly insightful when helping kids who are struggling with their identity and their own sexuality.

Jim Oraker and Anne Montague cCYS