Peterson, K. (1988, August 22). Parents may unwittingly harm children. USA Today.

OVERVIEW

"Too much, too soon" may take a toll—physically, mentally and emotionally—on a child. David Elkind, author of Miseducation: Preschooler At Risk, says that across the United States today there are countless kids being pushed to be ‘as smart as they can be’ by parents who want to add superkids to their own resumes. Elkind says, ‘Gourmet parents believe they can do as good a job in child-rearing as they did in shaping their careers, and a superkid is proof of his parents’ prowess.’

Parents who want their children to be the best and brightest invest in videotapes that encourage learning in the womb, buy books that will help children read by age two, and even purchase books that prepare a child to pass the entrance tests for the "right" pre-school or kindergarten program. Is it any wonder that "pushed" youngsters show signs of early distress? Carl Thorensen, a Stanford University researcher, finds increased evidence of "Type-A" behaviors in preschoolers. These children are overscheduled, harried, hurried, competitive, and quick to anger.

What feeds this problem? Experts note three primary factors: superachieving parents, shifting educational theories, and overworking school systems. Overachieving yet insecure parents are willing to pay the premium costs of fast-track day care. Changing educational theories swing from "teaching math at eight months if the child is interested" to "appropriate early education but not pushiness." And school systems are bowing to the demands of working parents to provide all-day kindergarten programs as a place to put their kids.

Fifteen clear signs of negative stress in a child emerge:

• Twitches and tics.
• Frustration with peers.
• Restlessness.
• Rocking.
• Short attention span.
• Head-banging.
• Nightmares.
• Undue peer influence.
• Stuttering.
• Boredom.
• Childish behavior (e.g., thumb-sucking).
• Intensity.
• Discipline problems.
• Loss of joy in life.
• Sleeping problems.

"Therapy-play" groups have been founded to help pushed and distressed kids. The emphasis is on the word "play." These treatment centers emphasize play, and bring both parents and their preschool children back to the basics, and guide parents to love the child for a child, not for his or her intellect.

IMPLICATIONS

1. In wanting the best for children parents tend to meet their own needs through them.
2. Parents wrap their own self-images up in who their children are and what they become. As a result, they tend to push their children as their time runs out biologically and influentially.
3. Parents need to recognize that their children are gifts. They are not designed or ordered by parents to fulfill a package or dream. They are individuals with their own personalities, gifts, and abilities. Parents have the privilege to shape them; they do not have the ability to make them someone they are not or do not want to be.
4. Parents should accept children as they are: full of imagination, life, and joy. If given a chance, they can bring fulfillment and happiness by becoming the best they can be under parental guidance and direction, not under pressure and frustrations.

Anne Montague cCYS