Gabriel, T. (1997, January 5). Pack dating: For a good time, call a crowd. The New York Times, Education Supplement, pp. 22-23, 38.

OVERVIEW

Dr. Arthur Levine, president of Teacher’s College at Columbia University in New York conducted of a survey of 9,100 students across the U.S. in late 1996. The survey, which included focus discussion groups, was carried out on 30 campuses. It found that

• no real dating scene exists,
• undergraduates tend to "pair off and socialize in packs", and
• students "go out to dinner in groups, attend movies in groups and at parties dance in a circle of five or six."

It seems that such social groups give college students "a sense of self-assurance and identity, but keep them from deeper, more committed relationships—which may be just the point."

Dr. Levine, who is writing a book on this study describes relationship among college students in this way:

 

 

‘When students talked about relationships, the majority said they’d never seen a successful adult romantic relationship in their lives. They’re scared of relationships, of deep involvement, and that doesn’t happen. Sex does happen. One way to overcome the fear of a relationship is you get loaded first, and after getting loaded you go back to somebody’s room and do it.’

 

 

Their family histories may make many of these students cynical about lasting one-on-one relationships according to Dr. Bronaugh of Lehigh University:

 

 

‘A lot of these students come from families where parents have divorced, remarried, divorced again, and in their mind that’s the norm—that there will be a risk should they ever get involved seriously with someone.’

 

 

Dr. Levine mentions the synonyms for sexual relations they encountered in college slang: scamming, scrumping, mashing, shacking. " ‘They’re magnificent for their lack of romantic and emotional content.’ "

"Hooking up," the most popular term for sex, can, "depending on its context mean anything from 20 minutes of strenuous kissing to spending the night together fully clothed to sexual intercourse…To a generation grown jaded about warnings of AIDS and date rape, casual sex seems to be near an all time high." Also, "Studies have documented a link between binge drinking on campuses and unplanned and unprotected sex."

• 44% Of U.S. college undergraduates binged at least every other week (binging is defined as 5 drinks for men, 4 for women at one sitting, according to the Harvard School of Public Health, 1995).
• 60% Of college women with a sexually transmitted disease were drunk at the time they contracted it.

Raji Chanda, a senior fraternity president at Brown University is something of an expert about the social scene on his campus.

 

 

In a normal Brown relationship, you meet, get drunk, hook up and then either avoid eye contact the next day or find yourself in a relationship.

 

 

Chanda offered the student body a survey on St. Valentine’s Day, 1996.

 

 

‘Nearly one third of Brown’s students, 1,500 in all, filled out the questionnaires, incuding athletes and artists, fraternity brothers and rebels, heterosexuals and members of the gay and lesbian alliance. Chada attributed the success of HUGS (an admittedly hoaky name for a dating service standing for Helping Undergraduates Socialize) to a yearning for old-fashioned courtship, a way for students to dip a toe into the pool of intimacy and sex rather than plunge in headfirst.’

 

 

Senior Patrick Saunders describes the scene at Rice University in Houston, Texas.

 

 

‘It’s so easy to go to a party on a Friday night and get a little loose after drinking and find someone else who’s a little loose and you casually hook up.’ (One friend of his hooked up with the same woman once a week for five weeks, but he won’t call her.)

 

 

Abigail Butler graduated from Vassar College, Poughkeepsie, NY, in 1996. She has his view of the social life at Vassar:

 

 

‘People who are interested in one another subtly arrange to be in the same place—the favorite campus pub, a friend’s room—at the end of the night. They congregate there, hang out and disappear into the night together. They may run into each other on the path next day and not mention the previous night’s activities at all.’

‘There’s a lot of angst for a relationship—"wouldn’t it be nice if I had a boyfriend"—but at the same time, people make fun of having one, like, "She’s married now." ’

 

 

On all campuses there are exceptions. Some even meet in freshman week and are couples throughout their four years.

 

 

(But) the norms of romance and sexuality also vary widely by campus. At academically elite private schools, students say that long-term relationships may be rare because young people arrive on campus with atrophied social skills after studying hard in high school. Looking ahead to ambitious post-college careers, often not expecting to marry until age 30, they do not want to be tied down.

At big state schools, on the other hand, especially in the South and Midwest, old-style courtship and early marriage live. Edie Butler, University of Kansas senior, describes the dating-to-marry scene:

‘There’s a lot of casual dating that goes on just to get to know people…A lot of people make plans to get married right after graduation.’

 

 

Still, casual sex exists at state colleges as well. A former sorority director and graduate of Indiana University describes one night stands after fraternity parties and the " "walk of shame’ " next morning in last night’s clothes. One woman described the aftermath of such experiences: " ‘I was pretty bitter toward men my senior year. I didn’t trust any of them.’ "

Estimating the extent of sexual activity, a sexual health counselor from the University of Boulder says, " ‘There was a lot less casual sex right around the mid 1980s when AIDS first came out, but now it’s back.’ "

The author of this article describes one group from Rice University.

 

 

A group of eight friends—half men and half women—regularly dines out together at a Tex-Mex or Vietnamese restaurant. Then they make the rounds of campus parties, where 10 kegs of beer might be flowing in adjacent dorm rooms.

In their years at college, most of the members of this group have had romantic flings with one another, but none has paired off exclusively for very long. "We go out to dinner and I’m struck—pretty much everyone has hooked up with someone else in the group," said one of the men.

 

 

The spirit of the times seems to be embodied in the television show, "Friends." It is very popular on campuses. According to this writer:

 

 

The show is a testament to the propensity of young people to spend endless hours in coffee shops and one another’s apartments, talking about practically nothing, while dancing around the possibility of romantic involvements.

 

 

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. Does this article describe the social realities on college and university campuses as you know it or hear about it?
2. What surprises, saddens, or makes you most hopeful about this article?
3. How little dating can prepare a person for real commitment and marriage in your opinion? What is healthy and what is not in pack dating?
4. How would you like to prepare high school (or secondary school) students for university life?
5. How might you help university students process their social lives?

IMPLICATIONS

1. It is pretty clear that the lives of high school and college students reflect their life experiences and their immediate situations.
2. There are aspects of group activities instead of dating that are extremely healthy.
3. The effects of divorce on children can be seen at each stage of their lives. This article shows how the prevalence of divorce in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s is affecting a whole generation.
4. It is important for young adults to see some models of healthy romance and enduring relationships.
5. This article could be used for a discussion in a university group.