Our sexuality-help or hindrance in ministry?

Oraker, J. (1988). "Our sexuality-help or hindrance in ministry?" Inside the Mission. Colorado Springs, CO: Young Life. Reprinted with permission.

OVERVIEW

It hasn't been an especially good year for evangelicals in the area of sexuality. Instead of being seen as people who are characterized by purity and "walking blamelessly", we have watched the sexual sins of Christian leaders publicly exposed.

As sad and embarrassing as that has been, we must remember Jesus' words when He spoke to the woman taken in adultery, "Let he that is without sin among you cast the first stone." We've got to take the time to evaluate our own sexuality, to bring it before the Lord that we might be the kind of people He can use for His work and glory. Not only must we evaluate ourselves in this manner, but we must think about how we relate to our peers and the kids to whom we minister.

Many people are crippled and locked up in the prison of their distorted sexuality. They are controlled by a need for approval and self-gratification, so strongly controlled that they are no longer in charge of their lives.

For Christians, however, the situation is not without hope. Jesus reminds us that we may provide the key of faith to release ourselves and others from bondage. Once free, we can relate to others, to ourselves and to God with the vitality and energy given us at creation. "In His own image He created them male and female." The image of God is stamped into our maleness and femaleness, into our sexuality. God says "yes" to our sexuality-our ability to attach to one another with intimacy and passion. But it is also clear that our sexuality has the potential for painful distortion. Simply speaking, sexuality is expressed in the ways we treat each other-our likes and dislikes, our sensitivity and selfishness, our ability to sacrifice for others, and our drive to gratify our needs. And while our sexuality can add positively to relationships, it can also drive us relentlessly, resulting in compulsive behaviors producing guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness and pain. And for those who become true sex addicts the path turns inward, away from reality, away from love, lost inside one's self.

It is one thing to discuss sexuality conceptually and talk about all that is and should be, but we must realize that talk is cheap and often a shield or rationalization for personal confusion and denial.

We have to become honest with ourselves and our God if we are going to deal with our sexuality in a positive way. To help you do that, let me suggest you test yourself with the quiz below. It is by Sexaholics Anonymous, P.O. Box 300, Simi Valley, CA 93062.

TEST YOURSELF

Answer yes or no to the following questions:

• Have you ever thought you need help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
• Have you ever thought that you'd be better off if you didn't keep "giving in"?
• Have you ever thought that sex or sexual stimuli are controlling you?
• Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in you sexual behavior?
• Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can't cope?
• Do you feel guilt, remorse, or depression after sexual activity?
• Does your pursuit of sex become compulsive?
• Does your pursuit of sex interfere with relations with your spouse?
• Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
• Does an irresistible impulse arise when the opposite sex makes overtures or sex is offered?
• Do you keep going from one "relationship" or lover to another?
• Do you feel that the "right relationship" would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
• Do you have a destructive need-a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
• Does the pursuit of sex make you care less for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
• Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
• Do you lose time from work for it?
• Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
• Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
• Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
• Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?

There is nothing magical or terribly clinical about the test. It is both an informational tool and a way to begin to crack any denial you might have around these issues. While the questions are frank and direct, they focus on dynamics related to compulsive sexual behavior.

If you answered "yes" to any of the questions above, you will want to explore your sexuality.

IMPLICATIONS

• It is always scary to take a look at ourselves, particularly in the area of sexuality.
• It is equally as hard to confront ourselves and be honest.
• Be truthful so that from that truth can come the freedom to minister with joy to a hurting world.

Jim Oraker and Anne Montague cCYS