A method for working with an adolescent struggling with homosexuality.

OVERVIEW

ADOLESCENT BELIEFS AND ACTIONS
George Barna, in his book, The Invisible Generation, speaks to the issue of homosexuality as it concerns the generation he refers to as the Baby Busters:

• 3% Have admitted to participating in gay or lesbian sex.
• 32% Believe the recent research suggesting that people are born homosexual.
• 55% Believe that sex acts that are homosexual are immoral.
• 50% Believe that those who oppose the gay and lesbian lifestyle are close-minded.
• 50% Believe that opposition is not close-minded.
• 44% Of the Busters said that homosexual couples should be allowed to get married.
• 38% Felt that they should be allowed to adopt and raise children.

SOCIETY'S EMOTIONAL RESPONSE
Few issues have caused more of a polarization of society than the subject of homosexuality. Emotional reactions range from fear, rage, and repulsion to pity. These reactions emerge from ignorance, the observed destructive effects that homosexuality has on a person's life; our own unconscious fears and anxieties about sexual urges; concerns about our children's sexual development; and spiritual issues relating to one's sexuality (Olson, 1984). None of the above emotional reactions are appropriate. It is important for all people to take a healthy and loving stance as it pertains to this issue. A desire to understand gives birth to love, and perfect love casts out all fear, and when fear has lost its power, healing can happen. This we strive for in caring for those young people entrusted to us.

DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES
Webster's defines homosexuality as "a sexual desire or behavior directed toward persons of one's own sex." This is a simple definition. The developmental picture that has emerged in society is far more complicated. As we mature, we experience different stages of psychosexual development. In infancy, sexuality is generalized, and we exhibit neither homosexual nor heterosexual preferences. In pre-puberty, the child's sexuality shows signs of being socialized, and he or she begins the process of identification. Puberty brings with it much sexual energy, and this energy is focused directly to the genitals. At this point, psychosexual maturity has not yet been reached. Often, a blend of the two previous stages takes place, and boys, for example, may participate in mutual sexual exploration, sometimes with masturbation. After puberty and as adolescent development progresses, there is a normal movement away from such homosexual exploration to the building of heterosexual intimacy (Olson, 1984).

WRITER'S EXPERIENCE
I have worked with young people struggling with homosexuality in my family, among friends, and in my capacities as a Young Life Area Director and a youth minister. This subject will be handled from a Christian position, one which advocates a welcoming and loving, yet non-affirming stance.

PURPOSE AND PRINCIPLES OF INTERVENTION

DISTINCTIONS
For the purpose of intervening in the life of a young person who wants to talk to you about a desire to address his or her concerns with homosexuality, it is important to distinguish between homosexual thoughts and feelings, homosexual behavior, and homosexual people. Almost everyone has experienced homosexual thoughts and feelings. For the adolescent, these occurrences can cause a homosexual panic reaction. Homosexual behavior occurs when those feelings and thoughts are acted upon, or when one is forced to behave in a act of homosexuality. The occurrence of one or more of these acts does not make one a homosexual. A homosexual person is one who, over a long period of time, desires to act upon sexual fantasies and feelings with a member of the same sex.

QUESTIONS FOR CONSIDERATION
Olson (1984) provides a number of questions worth considering prior to intervening when a young person claims to be homosexual:

• What kind of person is this?
• What type of personality is present?
• What is the sexual history?
• How strong or varied is the sexual orientation?
• How sexually active has this person been, and with whom?
• How does the individual feel about his or her sexuality?
• What are his or her thoughts about it?
• Does the person want to change?

Answering these questions will establish an appropriate beginning and foundation for further intervention.

NONPROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR GOALS

• To begin with a sense of your own limitations, and with a desire to understand their story.
• To listen attentively to his or her story, with responses that are more generalized, reflecting the young person's overall attitude towards the self. Often, youth struggling with these feelings don't like themselves or are unable to forgive themselves. Give attention to moods, attitudes and emotions.
• To communicate unconditional acceptance and high regard for the person, producing an atmosphere of respect, empathy, and understanding.
• To establish a meaningful relationship, built on trust. This is vital for the young person. Without this support, it may be nearly impossible for them to face their situation. They must know that God loves and, in fact, delights in them.
• To express a realistic hope for healing.
• To be sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, praying when appropriate.
• To teach the truth, but only after a solid relationship of trust has been established.
• To confront with the sole purpose of encouraging self discovery, always with gentleness and self control.
• To urge the young person to turn to God, realizing that we are all in need of His forgiveness.
• To encourage him or her to flee temptation.
• To recommend personal prayer and meditation on God's Word.
• To enlist the young person in brainstorming each new step to take, their ownership of the plan, and the process. This is key to the intervention's effectiveness.
• To refer, when necessary, sensing that the issues are beyond your abilities.

ADOLESCENT GOALS

• To enter the intervention with a strong desire to change and accomplish the goals. This is the main ingredient, without which it would be pointless to proceed.
• To desire to tell his or her story.
• To hope that with a reliance on the grace of God and His strength, anything is possible. (Olson, 1984; Kennedy, 1977 and McDowell, 1996)

 

EXACT NATURE OF INTERVENTION

Any adult who desires to listen and truly attempt to understand may greatly benefit a young person wanting to talk about his or her homosexual thoughts, feelings, and actions. The earlier an adult can intervene, the better it iss for the young person. Noticing behavior patterns that may indicate unhealthy psychosexual traits can help to alleviate confusion and provide the necessary assistance and therapy to the child.

 

PRECAUTIONS

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are abundant for us, so also our consolation is abundant through Christ. (2 Corinthians 1:3-5)
We must not sit in the seat of judgment. Rather, we are invited by God to enter a relationship with a young person through which love, acceptance, support, understanding, and help from Christ can flow.

• Due to varying theories of homosexual development (biological, psychoanalytical, and the learning theory), at this point in the discussion, it is important to acquaint oneself with the terms and to take a position which acknowledges its unsettled quality.
• Examine your own attitude toward homosexuality. If you have strong fear, anxiety or angry reactions to homosexuals, it would be in everyone's best interest for you to refer the young person to another person's care.
• It may be rash and imprudent to expect a miraculous eradication of whatever conflicts may be present, although this has occasionally occurred.
• Avoid thinking that you know what the problem is in advance. Reasons for homosexual conflicts vary.

• Not every youth will come with the classic case history of a dominating mother and a weak, passive father.
• The young person involved may not want to change-he or she may want information or discuss moral clarifications.

• Know your role or function. Those acting as ministers may best serve a young person by responding to their major presenting issues of guilt and shame.

• See your role as a minister and not as one who must "treat" a young person.
• Exploring deeper emotional issues may be more appropriately handled by professional counselor.
• It may be very helpful to talk to the young person about the topic of forgiveness.
• The distinction between minister and professional counselor allows the youth worker to operate in an uncluttered and powerfully supportive manner.

Youth workers need not be experts on everything. In fact, a know-it-all attitude may be harmful to those you hope to help. Still, a youth minister should encourage the young person to seek the best that God has for him or her. (Kennedy, 1977)

FURTHER SUGGESTIONS AND REFERENCES

It could be informative to spend some time perusing these or other sites addressing homosexuality:

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• http://www.youth.org/yao/docs/i-think-article-gay.html

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• http://quniverse.com/sshagly/resourcec.html

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• http://www.bagly.org/youthspeakout.html

There are also some sites that attempt to lovingly speak the truth, with a welcoming yet non-affirming stance to the adolescent struggling with homosexuality:

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• http://www.messiah.edu/hpages/facstaff/chase/h/index.htm

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• http://www.mathcs.duq.edu/-jacksonr/purity.htm

The following books are also insightful:

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• Barna,G. (1992). The Invisible Generation. Glendale, CA: Research Group.

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• Dacey, D. & Kenny, M. (1997). Adolescent Development. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill.

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• Kennedy, E. (1977). Sexual Counseling. New York: Seabury Press.

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• McDowell, J. & Hostetler, B. (1996). Handbook on Counseling Youth. London: Word.

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• Olson, K.G. (1984). Counseling Teenagers: The Complete Christian Guide to Understanding & Helping Adolescents. Loveland, CO: Group.