Fletcher, A. (1995). Lifestyles of third-culture kids. S. Hamilton, MA: Center for Youth Studies.
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OVERVIEW

‘Where do I belong?’

‘How long are you going to be here?’

‘I’m from England. Am I a Protestant?’

‘Daddy, when someone asks me what language do I speak, what do I say?’

‘Where are you from?’

These are typical questions asked and answered by third-culture kids who move, an average of eight times in their first eighteen years of life, to countries far from the one on their passport.

The question, "Where do I belong?" is critical for people who move from country to country, language to language, and school to school for most or all of their young lives. Even if they happen to reside in one country for a longer period of time, as many do, they suffer from a loss of friends and a vague sense that they do not belong to the culture around them (which they will have to leave after graduation), nor to the cultures of the parents (where they may never have lived).

"How long are you going to be here?" is an important question, as well. In America, the first question asked of someone new might be, "What school do you go to?" or "Where do you live?" The most salient query in the international community is meant to discover whether or not a new person will be around long enough to develop a friendship. Are you here for a year? Two years? Indefinitely? A short-term person may not be worth the pain of departure.

The final question, "Where are you from?" is always asked, but is often difficult to answer. Are you from the country on your passport, though you have seldom or never lived there? If you have several passports, which one is home, if any? Are you from the place where you now live, though you may not live there long, and you live as an alien outside the local culture? Are you from the place you were born? All of those may be part of the answer, but none of them will be the whole answer. Third-culture kids have loyalties for places where they do not belong, and they belong to places where they have no loyalties.

Characteristics of third-culture kids are an interesting study. The pros and cons of each common attribute are listed:

Transience. Pros: Third-culture kids are well-traveled, familiar with several cultures, able to travel alone at an early age, able to enter new cultures more easily, familiar with several languages, familiar with currency rates and exchanges, flexible, adaptable, self-sufficient, and have higher level of self-esteem. Cons: They are leery of making close friends, avoid commitment even on a short-term basis to people, events, or programs, can choose to live on the surface of a culture, can detach easily from relationships, and wary of involvement. Often, they maintain little sense of belonging to one country or culture; they do not really know where they are from. Third-culture kids constantly lose friends to moves. It is hard for them to find an identity. They are displaced from extended family, and have little familiarity with relatives or their home culture. As a result, it is both hard to get them to commit to a youth program, and easy to keep them committed once they do. Intelligence. Pros: Third-culture kids are fascinating to talk with. They have an impressive awareness of world events; they are often involved (or their parents are involved) in world events. They frequently examine but rarely argue over controversial topics, and they respond well to longer lectures and more complex discussions. Cons: They frequently distance themselves from forming opinions, as they are tolerant of all sides of any discussion (regardless of how hideous). Third-culture kids are able to discuss issues intellectually but remain untouched or unswayed; they tend toward universalism. Wealth. Pros: These kids are typically able to afford more expensive youth events; very few kids struggle over financial resources. Cons: With no material needs, it is more difficult to convince third-culture kids of spiritual needs. They travel frequently, so it is challenging to get them to come to events. Multicultural, polytheistic family and friends. Pros: Third-culture kids are more tolerant, less pedantic, and not xenophobic. They harbor few ethnic biases and exhibit little racism. They show less nationalism and patriotism, and have astonishing personal experience with and/or aware of pain in the world (e.g., war, poverty, hunger, epidemics, natural disasters). These kids are more socially confident, more mature, able to talk with adults easily, and adaptable to new situations. Cons: US youth workers need to plan programs carefully avoiding any cultural faux pas. Youth workers should do nothing that could humiliate. It is additionally essential to watch male/female contact in some cultures; bring the silliness level down; and de-Americanize skits, talks, and references. Do not ridicule other faiths; be careful when comparing religions. Those who work with youth are surrounded by a variety of belief systems which third-culture kids tend to value equally without accepting any. Each of these kids creates his or her own system of values and beliefs. Third-culture kids may have multicultural families, (e.g., Japanese on one side, Arab on the other) and they may feel alienated from or embarrassed by families when they visit. High-stress families. Pros: These kids are high academic achievers, hard workers, and active. Cons: Third-culture kids’ fathers and sometimes mothers travel. There is often too much pressure for academic success from families and schools. Family stress is hard to resolve while in another country, and the addition of cultural stress may be extreme.

In summary, third culture kids face lots of challenges:

• Losing friends/leaving/being left behind.
• Traumatic graduations/end of year.
• No sense of cultural identity/no "home"/do not belong anywhere.
• Difficult reentry into "home" culture.
• Crosscultural romances.
• May board away from family.
• Fathers (more than mothers) working/traveling.
• Away from extended family.
• Multicultural extended family.
• Multiple moves can affect academic record.
• Afraid to make friends.
• Siblings far away at college.
• Suffer from prejudice by locals.
• Multiple value systems among peers.
• Transnational divorces.

People throughout the international community display common characteristics:

• Successful, overachievers, fast-track.
• Widely traveled, polyglot, casual about travel.
• Mobile, globally transient.
• People of the world, tolerant, sensitive to human needs in world conflicts.
• Less materialistic than average U.S. citizen, though more wealthy.
• Adaptable, flexible with radical cultural changes.
• Generally not attached to any formal religious structure; unfamiliar with rites, rituals, traditions.
• Do not talk about their work in social situations (except for some Americans).
• Generally not patriotic (except for some Americans).
• Sometimes reluctant to make new friends.
• Tend to befriend people who arrive at the same time, resist those who arrive later.
• Eventually exclusive community forms around old-timers.
• Dad travels, kids at school, mom left to deal with the culture.
• Moms sometimes suffer frozen-at-home syndrome, with support structures.
• Afraid to seek counseling (live in small communities, few English-speaking counselors).
• Much additional stress added to already stressed marriage and child-parent relationships.
• Kids frequently have lots of travel time to and from school.
• Alienated from local culture.

Some general thoughts on programming for kids are helpful:

• Schools demand a lot; kids are busy. Do not overprogram. Focus on relationships.
• Mid-week may or may not work; with homework, sports, travel time, and school bus dependency, kids may not be able to stay at school for events.
• Lunch times are useful for small groups, if you can get them off-campus.
• Different schools in same community may have different vacation schedules, which will impact youth trips or camps; be aware of changing school schedules.
• Busy-ness inhibits kids from participation in all events; third-culture kids do not commit easily.
• The need to belong, on the other hand, means that your relationship with kids, once cemented, will ensure their commitment to the relationship. (Do not violate the relationship to get kids to do things for you; look for ways to do things for them.)
• These kids love to converse; use discussion rather than lecture, questions rather than answers.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. What are some new questions that can be used to initiate conversation with a third-culture kid?
2. What changes might be needed to modify a programming style for a multicultural audience?
3. During a discussion about sexuality, a Swedish girl who is an unbeliever says that anyone who would deny her the right to have sex whenever she wants is narrow-minded. Then, a Lebanese Christian girl says her parents forbid her to date or to hold hands with any boy until she is engaged, even though the kids in her class are sleeping together. How can a consistent faith be presented to both girls?

IMPLICATIONS

1. If a youth worker is able to commit to a longer tenure in an international community, the kids will respond with a higher level of commitment and vulnerability in the relationship.
2. Traveling families translates into kids staying at home alone. This creates a great opportunity for friendship.
3. When working with wealthier kids, scholarship money (if needed) and even money for a general program fund can be raised by charging more for specific events; program money raised thus can be used to subsidize more regular and smaller events.
4. Isolation from the local culture causes boredom and loneliness. Therefore, kids are more willing to do fun stuff.
5. Service projects can be a big hit with those kids who have a heightened world awareness. Be careful not to conflict with school service projects, which are frequently year-long and school-wide.

Andrew Fletcher cCYS