Helps for Teaching Youth Effective Listening and Communication Skills

Helps for Teaching Youth Effective Listening and Communication Skills

(Adapted from Leadership 101: Developing Leadership Skills for Resilient Youth, Facilitator’s Guide by Mariam MacGregor, Youthleadership.com, 2000. Used with permission.)

Tips for Listening Actively

• Use basic "probing" responses such as: “How so?”  “In what way?”  “Why?” or “Tell me more…”
• Paraphrase the speaker's message and repeat it back to him or her.
• Verbally acknowledge that you understand the other person's thoughts and feelings.
• Use body posture, eye contact and other non-verbal communication techniques that send the message that you are engaging with what the speaker is saying.

"Road Blocks" to Active Listening

Rehearsing: spending your mental energy on preparing what you will say in response

Judging:  "writing off" a person as stupid or incompetent or uninformed and therefore not paying close attention to what her or she is saying

Identifying: relating everything the person says back to yourself so that the conversation becomes focused around you

Advising: trying to solve a problem or give advice without finishing listening to what the other person is saying

Sparring: being too quick to disagree or create an argument with the speaker

Derailing: constantly changing the topic of conversation

Dreaming:  "checking out" or daydreaming rather than focusing on what the speaker is saying

Smoothing Over: being so concerned that you are pleasant, agreeable and well-liked that you don't really engage with what the person is saying

Non-Verbal Communication

Non-verbal communication can be more powerful than verbal communication. It can contradict or undermine verbal communication.  You can tell how well someone is receiving your message by watching for non-verbal "signals."  It is important to realize that non-verbal communication is sometimes strongly connected to culture and gender, and that the same "signal" can carry different meanings when coming from different people.  When you are unsure of what someone is communicating, it is always best to ask for clarification.

Five parts to non-verbal communication

There are five main "channels" for non-verbal communication--posture/stance, gestures, eye contact, facial expressions, and vocal qualities.  The following are a few examples of types of communication in each of the categories:

Posture: slouching can suggest boredom, leaning forward can suggest interest and openness, etc.

Gestures:  clenched fists suggest anger, fidgety hands can suggest nervousness

Eye Contact: avoiding eye contact can suggest lack of self-confidence, looking downward suggests shame, direct eye contact suggests confidence

Facial Expressions: aside from the obvious--smiles, frowns, etc.--facial expressions can hide the true intention of the message

Vocal Qualities: raising the volume of your voice can suggest anger, mumbling can suggest lack of self-confidence, speaking overly slowly and deliberately can communicate that you think the other person doesn't understand you