To direct a youth pastor or leader in the process of joining with an adolescent girl's parents to build her self-esteem.

OVERVIEW

Lovina Pivin relates self-esteem to a puzzle. Many pieces join together to form a portrait of who one is. The puzzle pieces comprise the beliefs, thoughts, wishes, feelings, desires, and attitudes within a person: it is the composite of one's "self." (Pivin, 1994, 1995). As a young girl enters adolescence, she faces a new challenge, one that profoundly impacts her future. This challenge is to answer the questions, "Who am I?", "Where am I going?", and "Where do I belong?" (McDowell, J. & Hostetler, B., 1996, p 73). This discussion will indicate the importance of building a healthy self-esteem in an adolescent girl's life and suggest possible ways a youth worker can intervene on a young girl's behalf.

PURPOSE OF INTERVENTION

"The major task of adolescence," writes Dorothy Corkille Briggs, "is the reevaluation of self." This reevaluation is all about past experiences and influences, as well as the messages she receives from her parent/parents, teachers, friends, and society in general. A youth pastor or leader can help an adolescent girl work through her past experiences and find out how she feels about herself. What messages does she receive from outside sources? Does she have a healthy or unhealthy self-esteem?

EXACT NATURE OF INTERVENTION

Intervention in an adolescent girl's life may be appropriate when you notice negative attitude changes in the way she looks at herself and the world around her. Consider these questions:

• Is she excessively concerned about what others say?
• Is she self-conscious about her appearance?
• Is she critical and judgmental of others?
• How well does she accept praise?
• How does she relate with others?
• Does she cry frequently or have difficulty expressing emotions?

A question I would have to ask myself as a youth worker is, am I willing to invest my time and energies into building a personal relationship with an adolescent girl struggling with an unhealthy self-esteem? How do I begin to build this relationship? I need to be in a place where I am continually growing in my relationship with the Lord. Dean Borgman strongly suggests that youth workers reflect on the following questions which will promote healthy growth toward our Lord (Borgman, 1997, pp. 57, 58):

• What's going on in my life?
  • How have I gotten where I am?
  • What do I most want out of life?
  • What am I giving to and getting from this situation?
  • What turns me on?
  • What is my story?
    • What's going on in me?
    • How am I relating to self, others, and God?
    • What's bugging me?
    • What is the significance of my history or personal drama?
    • How am I the product of my family and past?
    • What is my success history and what strengths do I find there?
    • What are my dreams?
    • Where am I going?
    • How is my present situation leading toward those dreams?
    • How have I translated my dreams into long-term goals?
    • Do my short- and mid-range goals match my long-term goals?
    • How do I evaluate and reinforce my progress?
    • Am I helping myself to get there?
    • What obstacles stand in my way?
    • How am I managing this conflict?
    • What reinforcement and support have I built into my progress?
    • How do the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit relate to each stage of my life?
    • What part do worship and my faith community play in my present growth?

After answering these self-questions honestly, youth leaders can then begin to help young people. How do you build a relationship with an adolescent girl? Borgman suggests four basic questions to use when building a relationship with young people (Borgman, 1997, pp. 55, 56):

• • • What's going on?
    • How are you doing?
    • Who's important in your life these days?
    • What else has been happening in your world lately?
    • What highs and lows are you experiencing?
    • Can we share our stories?
    • How has our relationship grown? What history do we have?
    • How much of your personal story are you comfortable sharing?
    • What are your larger family and ethnic/community stories?
    • Do you see the importance of your past?
    • What dreams do you have?
    • Where do you want to go next from here?
    • What in your history can help you fulfill your dreams?
    • How realistic are your short-term and long-term dreams?

    • How are you going to get there?

    • How can we help you help yourself to fulfill your dreams?
    • How can your dreams be translated into short- and long-term goals?
    • What obstacles do you see? How can they be managed?
    • How do you need to be supported and held accountable by us, by your friends, or by other resources?

PRINCIPLES OF INTERVENTION

• • My response to the problem of an unhealthy self esteem would be to remember that a poor self-image is not formed overnight, and cannot be corrected overnight. I have used information from Josh McDowell's Handbook on Counseling Youth to pursue a course of action toward a healthy self-esteem. The youth leader, pastor, teacher, or parent can play a vital part in a young adolescent girl's life who is struggling with a low or unhealthy self-esteem. This acrostic may help you remember some steps you can follow as you counsel:

L-Listen actively.

• • • McDowell and Hostetler suggest developing a habit of listening closely to expressions of feelings as well as body language. The following questions may gently probe the young adolescent's ideas, attitudes, and self concept:

    • How would you describe yourself?
    • Do you think you're a valuable person?
    • Do you ever call yourself names?
    • Do you think other people like you?
    • Do you like yourself?
    • How do you think your parents feel about you? Your teachers? Friends? Others?
    • What things make you feel good about yourself?

    • You may have an opportunity to share that God is always listening and the most important and effective ingredient of a healthy self-esteem is to know God, His love, and His fellowship.
      

I-Identify with them.

• • • Examine your own self concept. What have been your greatest struggles? Do you still struggle with self-esteem? What has helped you accept yourself? Strive to communicate warmth by:

    • Leaning forward in your chair which communicates interest.
    • Make eye contact.
    • Avoid any expressions of shock, disapproval, disagreement or judgment.
    • Wait patiently through silence and tears.
    • Lead the conversation by asking, "What happened next?" of "Tell me what you mean by…"
    • Reflect the young person's statements by saying, "You must feel...", or "It sounds like you're saying…"

S-Sincerely affirm.

• • • Whether a parent, youth worker, pastor, or teacher, affirming is critical to the development of self-esteem. Affirm the young woman's personhood and her performance. Try to "catch" her doing something right or doing something well.

T-Truth recognized.

• • Look for an appropriate time to sensitively share biblical truth about an adolescent girl's significance in Christ. Christian author Tony Campolo suggests two primary emphases in directing an adolescent girl in ways that will enhance a healthy self-esteem.
  • Help her develop an area where she is special, unusual, and "better than others."
  • Is there an area of responsibility-even a small area-that can allow her to demonstrate responsibility and/or perform with confidence?