A group plan to facilitate discussion about the effects of divorce on kids, to help students understand their feelings when their parents separate, and to suggest some healthy ways of dealing with divorce.

OVERVIEW

In America, almost one of every two marriages succumbs to divorce. The effects of divorce are usually greater on kids than on their separating parents. Therefore, it is important for everyone to understand the effects of divorce upon kids, even if one’s own family is still intact. It is also important for kids who are suffering from divorce to be able to discuss their pain and seek support. To properly address this topic with teenagers, allow for at least two sessions.

LEADER PREPARATION

• Find out who in your group has divorced parents. Speak to those students individually, preparing them for the topic of this upcoming program. Encourage them to attend.
• Select one or two popular songs about divorce, separation, or hurt (see suggested list). Prepare them for playing to the group.
• Research current TV shows about with divorce or single-parenting. Edit together clips from them, or just familiarize yourself with the characters and stories.
• Seek any adults of divorced parents. Those who are involved with your youth group or church are most desirable. Ask them if they would serve as a guest speaker during the program.
• Research and prepare a list of networks, supports groups, and community services available to divorced families (especially children) in and around your community.

GROUP BUILDING

Gather and sing two songs that address hurt, family, and also a sense of hope (see suggested list).

GROUP PRESENTATION

Choose any of the following ideas (or use one per meeting):

• Play selected songs. Divide into small groups (4-6 participants each). Ask each group to list ten words that describe how the songs played make you feel.
• Show video clips of current selected TV shows. Divide into small groups of 4-6. Ask each group to describe the family composition and dynamics of the show. Members in small groups should then share how the TV families are different or similar to their own.
• Show a clip from "The Brady Bunch," "Leave it to Beaver," or "The Cosby Show." Divide into groups and ask participants to discuss their thoughts about these families. Are these families unrealistic? What does your family look like? How is it different/similar to these families? Ask each group to write song lyrics dealing with the issues of family, separation, and divorce. Encourage each group to share their song (they can sing if they’d like) with the rest of the group.
• Invite guests to speak to the group about their own personal experiences with the divorce of their parents. Ask them to tell the group what happened when their parents divorced—for example, the adjustments they had to make, the problem of divided loyalties, how they dealt with feelings of hopelessness, what holidays are like now. Provide time for the group to ask questions.

GROUP DISCUSSION

Depending on the sensitivity levels and emotional state of specific group members discuss any of the following:

• Consider some of the TV shows previously mentioned. Ask the group: What would happen if the father or mother (in a particular family show) left the family? How would the kids in that show handle the loss?
• What do you think is most difficult for a young person to deal with when a parent leaves?
• Why do people get divorced?
• How can we help each other and our friends deal with the crisis of divorce?
• Ask anyone in the group who is in a divorced or divorcing family to share his or her thoughts and concerns about it (if they are willing and ready to share).

WRAP-UP

• Reinforce these ideas when concluding the program:
• Divorce is very difficult to experience and live with.
• Your parents’ divorce is never your fault.
• This group is a safe place to talk about divorce and your struggles or questions.
• It is important to talk about your honest feelings about divorce.
• Be open and honest with both parents.
• You are not alone. We support one another.
• There is community support. (Tell kids what resources are available.)
• Offer encouragement that you are always loved.
• Individually follow-up with any students in particular need.