Beem, E. (23 December, 2001). “From Earthly to Spiritual Bliss” The Boston Globe Magazine.

Overview

Beem’s account focuses on the lives of Michael Ciborski and Fern Dorresteyn, one-time high school sweethearts who devoted themselves to the Buddhist faith, becoming Brother Michael and Sister Fern. “Through their voyage into Buddhism,” says Beem of the now 29-year-olds, “the couple discovered a love that transcended romance. Eventually, they found that they loved each other enough to set themselves free.”

The two became inseparable around the time of Fern’s 16^th birthday. Michael was drawn to her tremendous compassion, Fern to Michael’s respect and gentleness. Together they attended PrescottCollege in Arizona, an experience-based school that focuses on environmentalism and social action. Before long they were engaged, and committed to finding a way of life together that would “integrate their desire to work for peace and social justice and to live in a community that was united by more than geography or commerce.”

But the gift of a copy of Thich Nhat Hanh’s book, Peace is Every Step, soon set Michael on a new course. Hanh’s struck him as “someone who was able to voice the wisdom that was in me but that I had no skill to put forth.” Hanh, a Buddhist monk from South Vietnam, chaired the Vietnamese Buddhist peace delegation at the Paris peace talks in 1973, then, banned from Vietnam for some time, he settled in France and operated the PlumVillage retreat center. He is known for his writings on “mindfulness practice,” a form of breathing and meditation that varies from traditional Zen and Tibetan Buddhist practices by integrating meditation with everyday activities. One need not be a Buddhist to practice this method.

What appealed to Michael and Fern was, in part Hanh’s (popularly called “Thay” by his readers and followers) emphasis on the concept of oneness. Both continued along their spiritual search, though still committed to ultimately marrying. For Fern, her desire to “lessen the suffering in the world” corresponded to an increasing desire for spiritual awakening. The couple, separate for some time, reunited in California and read Hanh’s work together. It was on a trip to PlumVillage in Europe together that they experienced spiritual community in a profound way. Over time they decided to replace the idea of marrying one another with that of jointly marrying God. They received their monastic ordinations together at PlumVillage. Michael became “True Dharma Goodness,” and Fern took the name “Lotus Adornment.”

Brother Michael came to realize “that true love now meant to him the harmonious interdependence of all things, not a feeling of comfort and security in another person.” Both sets of parents supported the once-engaged couple in their new commitment. Today the two live in separate monastic communities but continue to care for one another and work together in the lifestyle set forth by Hanh’s writings. They do not see this as a disengagement from one another or the world, but a deeper way of engaging the world through the hearts of people. Together they have transcended the trappings of sexual fulfillment and emotional affirmation, opting instead for practices of compassion and non-attachment. These are the markings of the “spiritual love” and lifestyle they now relish.

Questions for Reflection and Discussion

1.      What do think was the appeal to the Buddhist faith and lifestyle for this young couple?

2.      What was the relationship between their growing concern for peace and justice, and the principles of monastic community?

3.      Are they correct in thinking they have found a means to transcending romantic love and replacing it with spiritual love?

4.      Do you or teenagers you know have an expressed interest in Buddhist teachings? In a faith community? In social justice?

5.      What do you think will happen to Brother Michael and Sister Fern in the long-run?

Implications:

This personal story of love and faith speaks to the larger desire for authenticity and devotion in our culture. When we are embedded in a culture of apparent chaos and confusion, the appeal of a community of faith and spirituality is not surprising. The story of this couple stands as an encouragement to the rest of us to consider how young people of today may or may not feel an abiding sense of loss or emptiness within the context of day-to-day complacency and injustice.

Christopher S. Yates cCYS