Lankard, C. (2000, January 24). Bring cheer to ill friend. The Daily Oklahoman, p. 1B.

OVERVIEW

Everyone knows a person or family who has gone through serious illness. But few people know how to be helpful to the suffering. Simple tasks are left undone when one is faced with a difficult diagosis. The following suggestions for helping are gathered from families who have had loved ones battling cancer. The same types of gestures can be done to help any family facing any serious situation:

Cook a dinner for the family. Be sure to offer a couple of choices. Bake homemade cookies. Bring them frozen so that they can be served later. Make your offer specific. Don’t just say, "Let me know if you need anything." Say that you will be there at a certain time to do certain chores or run specific errands. Offer to take the kids to a movie or picnic. To give adults a few moments alone. Help with holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. Offer to pick up gifts, cards, or paper. Help the children attend birthday parties. Bring a few children’s gifts to the home for future use. Call before you visit, but drop by for 20 minutes when you can. A nice chat is usually welcome respite from directed rest. Ask who you know that she might like to see and bring them by. A parent often feels that all they do is ask for favors. Offer to contact and bring someone over. Take snapshots of her children over the months. To assure that there are still records of events, ordinary or special. Offer to run two errands a week for her family. The everyday niceties often get forgotten. Allow her to feel sad or to prepare for the worst. Everyone wants to be optimistic, but it is sometimes cathartic and helpful to just cry through the really difficult situations. Even if the joke is terrible, tell it! Remind them of funny jokes and silly ongoings. Touch her. Patients can become isolated. Hugs are so helpful. Offer to watch TV with her some afternoon. Any favorite show or not-yet-seen video will do. Talk about the real life you are living. Keep the patient involved in the everyday world. If no one discusses what is going on, then all there is to talk about is the illness. Tell her how great she looks considering what she’s going through. Acknowledge the illness, but remember that the patient still needs to feel attractive. Encourage other men to visit her husband. The female patient will be encouraged to know that her husband is socializing with friends. Pray for her and say you are doing so. Your strength and faith strengthens the patient. Talk to her of the future. Plan for the future. Discuss events (birthdays, graduations, births, weddings) that the patient will see and do when the illness subsides. Say the word CANCER (or whatever the illness). Mention the illness. It is not taboo to discuss it. Talk about it frankly, to the extent that the patient is comfortable.

QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION AND REFLECTION

1. Have you ever had a loved one battling cancer or another serious illness? Are these suggestions helpful? What would you add or subtract from the list?
2. How have you helped a suffering family? What do you wish you had done differently?
3. If you have visited a family going through a difficult time, how did you feel?
4. If you have been visited during a difficult time, how did you feel to have visitors?

IMPLICATIONS

1. It is awkward to help families experiencing serious illnesses. It is hard to know the right things to say
2. or do. This list can be a good starting point.
3. Young people want to be helpful in times of crisis. There are many things on this list that young people can do.
4. Use this list to guide youth groups, families, youth leaders—anyone wanting to serve a family in desperate need.