The "R"-word or the "A"-word?

Would you rather be called an “a##hole” or a “retard?”  Just a question.  Now I realize that some of you are offended by the use of the word “a##hole,”[the fact that I have to obfuscate the word a##hole in order to allow this post should tell you something] however, I wish more of you were offended by the use of the word “retard.”  Why?  …Thanks for asking.

The manner in which most people use the word “retarded” (retard, tard, etc) typically is used in a negative context.  Whenever the remote control is broken, and I refer to it as being “retarded” I am using the word in a negative context.  When someone says something that if out of left field or foolish, perhaps, and I refer to it as “retarded” (e.g. “that’s so retarded”) I am using it in a negative context.  When someone dresses funny or is wearing a goofy outfit and I let them know that they look “retarded” I am using it in a negative context.

Now if I have created a pattern of using this word in a negative context and come across someone who is, in fact, Mentally Retarded, how difficult is it for me to shift my thinking into a positive context.  It is not easy, in fact, most people become so accustomed to using the word in negative context that when presented with a person that is Mentally Retarded they have one of two distinct reactions.

First, they view the person consistent with their repeated use of the term.  In other words, they view the person as defective (e.g. the broken remote), or goofy-looking or some other negative construct of the term without really seeing the person for who they are.I could go on and on and discuss the negative construct of the word “retarded,” but I’ll get to that later. 

The second reaction leads from the first.  The second reaction is a reaction of disbelief.  Only when a thoroughly negative construct of “retarded” is developed will the second reaction present itself.  This reaction is formulated when an individual meets another individual’s with a diagnosis of Mental Retardation who doesn’t seem to fit into their negative construct.  This leads to a denial of the diagnosis.  A denial of diagnosis can lead to a lack of service, supports or general empathy when cognitive impairments present obstacles in real-world experiences.

Let me talk more about this second reaction.  How can a negative constructed word deny services?  Again, I am so glad you asked.  Let me get personal here.  My daughter has cognitive delays.  She carries a diagnosis of Mental Retardation.  This diagnosis is appropriate and accurate in regards to her current cognitive abilities.  My wife and I have no problem with the use of the word to describe her academic skills.  While I might prefer “Intellectual or Cognitive Disability” (which I’ll get to in a moment) it does not change the fact that her current diagnosis is apt.

This diagnosis has been enlightening for us.  Let me outline a few reactions (to the fact that she carries a diagnosis of Mental Retardation) we have received as a result and what the subtext of the reaction conveys.

Reaction #1: I don’t believe she is retarded, she’s so affectionate.

Subtext: People who are Mentally Retarded are incapable of affectionate and social interaction.

This person has created a construct of MR that is completely negative, and will not allow that their construct is inconsistent with reality.

Reaction #2: Really? She doesn’t look retarded.

Subtext: People who are Mentally Retarded are somehow odd looking or goofy-looking.

This person cannot imagine some being diagnosed as Mentally Retarded who was as cute and pretty (yes I am biased) as my little girl.  This construct leads from a view of “retarded” things as “other,” or defective, particularly in appearance.

Reaction #3: I don’t agree [with the diagnosis], she can understand things.

Subtext: People who are Mentally Retarded are incapable of understanding even the simplest concepts.

This person cannot allow that there are varying degrees of mental acuity and that the ability to understand some things does not preclude a cognitive or intellectual impairment in overall understanding.

Reaction #4: She’ll grow out of it     

Subtext: Mental Retardation is a phase like pegged jeans or Boy Bands.

This person believes that I don’t need to worry about academic supports or service supports in order to help my daughter close the gap.  Rather, “she’ll get over it,” as if it was her choice.

But how do these opinions lead to lack of service or support?  Well these reactions came from a court appointed advocate, a clinical psychologist, a special educator and an experienced social service worker.  These are not lay opinions, they are supposedly experts.  If my daughter, who needs academic and structural support to close the gap in her cognitive abilities, were denied the legitimate diagnosis of Mental Retardation, we would have lost financial services, disability services and other services related.  We had to argue, along with other experts (whose opinions seemed more informed) that the diagnosis was appropriate.  We further had to convince the skeptics that since we believed the diagnosis to be correct that we did not intend that to be a negative view of our daughter. Unfortunately, it continues to be a legitimate diagnosis for Special Education and for Regional Center services (in Ca) and must be reconstructed on behalf of those who carry it, along with the added weight of ignorance.

This is an ongoing problem and all stems from people who have negatively constructed a word and imbued it with so much garbage that it, in their eyes, can only mean something negative.  We believe our daughter is beautiful, affectionate, funny, playful and other positive things.  We believe that she is learning so much every day and we let her know how proud we are of the progress she makes in her speech and cognition.  That being said, we want her to get all of the supports and services that she can, associated with her legitimate diagnosis.  To deny the diagnosis would be the action of a poor parent not a good parent.  Knowing she has needs does not deny the fact that we believe she has attributes.  This is the great disconnect the disability community has with the greater society (including the Church). 

You, my dear reader, can tell me to be less sensitive or to “get over it.”  So, would you permit me to call you an “a##hole?”  Why not? Shouldn’t you get over your offense at the word asshole?  Shouldn’t you be less sensitive?  After all, the word is a pure negative construct.  Unlike, “retarded” which can also be a neutral descriptor, “a##hole” is purely negatively constructed.  Is that why you are offended?  Would you rather I call you a “jerk?”  “Jerk,” though, does injustice to what I feel.  A “jerk” could be someone who is impulsive and makes a “knee-jerk” reaction to a problem.  A “jerk” could be someone who works at one the few remaining soda fountains left in our country (e.g. a soda-jerk).  So, if I use the word “jerk” you might not get the message I am trying to convey.  “A##hole” on the other hand lets you know that your character is reminiscent of a certain part of the anatomy.  You might say that it is an inappropriate word since it denotes an olfactory response rather than a character response.  That might be true, but the metaphor for someone’s character emitting a fragrance does not come from me, but from the Apostle Paul who exhorted early Christians to be a pleasing aroma (e.g. to smell like Christ).  Therefore, the use of the word “a##hole” is then apt for someone whose character tends to…stink.

Let me state now that I am not in favor of adopting “a##hole” as our national word; however, I use it in order to illustrate the way we construct words and imbue meaning into them.  Despite the fact that “a##hole” is consistently constructed, we are offended by the word; however, I wonder how many pastors, youth ministers, lay persons, teachers or parents have ever stopped their child (or themselves) from using the word “retarded” as a negatively constructed descriptor?  This is my problem. 

Again, there is legitimate cause to move from the word “Mentally Retarded” toward “Intellectual Disability” or “Cognitive Impairment.”  Why?  If I were to tell you that my daughter had a cognitive impairment, you would most likely ask specifics.  You would refrain from placing your construct of the term on her prior to meeting her.  You would be a little more open minded to specific needs related to the impairment.  This is not true for the word “Mentally Retarded.”

Let me close with this.  The next time you are tempted to use the word “retarded” to refer to something in a negative manner, think about another word.  The more you use that word synonymously with the term defective or broken or ugly you do an injustice to every living and breathing soul who carries that label who isn’t defective or broken or ugly, but rather is created by a loving God and granted the beauty of His image.

 

For a different insight on the R-word click on the link below to see a video from Special Olympics

 

http://tinyurl.com/chz8ev