Healing through Forgiving

Just as I was writing about forgiveness my co-worker had her iPod plugged into my outlet. As she unplugged her iPod to go home, my computer's power went out just before I could save this 4 paragraph reflection on forgiveness.  I lost my reflection on forgiveness, just before I could save it.  So I am starting over.  So here I am writing about forgiveness and given a great opportunity to forgive.  Since I have put so much work and thought into it and lost it in just a second.  The bible says that love keeps no record of wrong.  So after you forgive somebody, don't bring it up again.  Like when God says I will choose to remember your sins no more.  Some translations say it differently but choosing not to remember is active and not something that happens by accident.  It is God's intention to forgive us.  We cannot hide anything from him.  So if we ask God about the sin we did last week and we asked for forgiveness and repented He does not remember it.  It is covered in the blood of Jesus.  God is the best forgiver ever. 

So why is so hard for us to forgive.  Someone said to me in small group that bitterness is the poison you drink and think the other person will die.  This is unforgiveness.  I have learned and realized that there are two categories of relationships.  We relate to God (vertical relationships) and we relate to each other (horizontal relationships).   We know that God will not change.  He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  God's character is the same all the time.  He will never get worse because He is God and He will never getter better, because He is the best that could ever be.  You cannot improve upon perfection.  God is consistent in who He is.  He is more absolute than gravity which He created. 

People on other hand change.  The people who you love, trust, open your life to, can be your best friend and suddenly become your worst nightmare.  It is often said that the person that could hurt you the most is the person closest to you.  How do you forgive them?  Conversely the person that is a murderer, liar, adulterer, and the like can become a person that God changed and be a powerful tool of God who was been forgiven and now  has a very good impact on your life.  I think of the Apostle Paul, He was a persecutor of Christians and suddenly became a martyr of the faith.  After his conversion I wonder how many Christians in that time had a hard time forgiving what this new creation in Christ did to their families.  I wonder if he ever approached a Christian whose family member or friend he killed.  Why forgive someone like that?   Some things are harder to forgive than others but the command to forgive is not based on the magnitude or severity of the offense.  Its one thing to forgive my co-worker who accidently shut off my computer and caused me to lose my work, and another to forgive someone that killed, raped, dehumanized, assaulted or attacked you or your loved ones.  I've heard about families of victims who watched the person that murdered their family member executed but after the execution the pain of what happened does not go away. 

We often have a need for healing and justice to be served all mixed in with our own pride.   I learned that when someone offends or hurts us, there are realities that we have to face.  The first is that this person has really hurt me.  The second is that this is a person that God loves and also wants them to receive his forgiveness, love, and our forgiveness.  We often think that revenge will help our healing.  And if the person gets what they deserve then I will be healed.  In fact there may be even more pain and brokenness.  I found in my own life that healing will not come from seeking revenge even if we call it justice.  Justice is doing what is right, not what I think is right.  Forgiveness is what I do to be free and not allow that situation to live in me anymore.  Forgiveness is a remedy for healing, revenge is not. 

So what about justice?  Is it fair that people get away with murder?  This is how Jonah must have felt in the Bible.  God telling him to preach the good news that would save them after those people had murder and killed his people.  Why wasn't justice served in Jonah's eyes?  Why couldn't they be murdered since they murdered?  I guess it goes back to God's character.  He is a God of Justice but also a God of Grace and forgiveness.    Often times we cannot understand why he chooses to show one part of Himself over the other in life's situation.   But His character is proven, so we must trust Him when He says vengeance is mine, and that He will repay.  So in order to forgive we must also know that justice is not being served by our unforgiveness, but it is served by God. 

So if unforgiveness is such a bad poison why do we keep it in our system?  When we eat something that is nasty we immediately spit it out and wash out our mouth.  Why do we keep unforgiveness in us when it separates us from God, makes us sick, die at an early age, changes our mood for the worse, and give situations and people control over us?  Why is this poison so hard to spit out?

Sometimes we think that forgiving means justice will never be served.  We sometimes also view forgiving as something the weak do because they have no power to do anything about it.

Or we think that seeing revenge will help our own healing?  Or maybe we think unforgiveness will give us power?  Forgiveness challenges our pride.  Forgiveness and justice are not adversaries.  But our pride and justice are enemies.  I learned that holding on to unforgiveness is saying I have a right to be upset and angry at you, and I will exercise that right even though God did not exercise his right on me.  Therefore I'm going to bring you to justice by being ungodly.

Forgiveness is for healing.  Is helps us cleanse ourselves from what happened to us.  It allows us to no longer live beneath the situation.  The situation will no longer control us.  Forgiveness does not mean we stay in an abusive situation.  It means we don’t let that abusive situation stay in us anymore.  It does not mean be a doormat and let people walk all over you.  I often hear the phrase “nice guys finish last.”  I wonder what they are finishing last for.  It is more powerful to forgive.  Through God’s power you are made so strong that when someone hits you with their best shot, you can smile, love them and mean it.  When we learn to forgive we realize and discover how strong we can be in God.  We find new power that makes us very dangerous to the kingdom of Satan. 

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds" (2 Cor 10:4) 

But do I have to forget?  I don’t think we ever forget pain.  Pain is a very strong reminder.  We may forget what we fought about but we don’t often forget how we felt.  In my own experience I often run into someone that I brought before God and forgave.  I am able to hang out with that person and I don’t feel one bit of resentment towards them.  But there are times after I have chosen to forgive this person that a thought of revenge, would come to mind.  I would say God I gave it to you why is it coming back?  I realized that these are suggestions from Satan and his crew.   We do have an enemy Lucifer, who studies us, knows our weakness, knows our past, and tries to use those things against us.  He is looking to take advantage of us (2 Cor 2: 10).  We cannot be ignorant to his tricks.  He will bring things back from your past to make you think that they are still real.  If you believe what he says there is an opening to put you back into bondage.  2 Cor 10:5 says “casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.”   We cannot fight sin or ungodly behavior without submitting to God.  We often hear people say ‘resist the devil and he will flee.”  In my experience human strength is not enough against spiritual forces.  The first part of that verse says, “Submit yourselves, then, to God, resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:7).  When I am in God he runs, when I am in self the devil has already got me. 

So as I have received God’s forgiveness, I will give forgiveness to others.  As I have received God’s love, I give His love to others.  We cannot give what we don’t have.  But God has everything we need and is never short on supply.  When we are hurt by others, his heart is broken. (Psalm 34:18) His love for us causes him to feel our pain even more than we do (Jesus on the cross, unmatched pain and suffering).  This is one of the reasons God hates sin so much.  Because he knows how much it hurts the one whom He loves, me and you.  I pray that God would continually help me to remove the sin of unforgiveness from my heart.  To live in the privilege and purpose that he has for me, to rid this poison from my being.