Families Resources

To enhance and build relationships between adolescents and their parents through interaction.

OVERVIEW

LEADER PREPARATION

• Choose themes to focus on (frustrating vacations, growing up, neglected relationships, celebrating each other, sharing deeply, etc.).
• Prepare opening songs, mixers, skits, and games that will be used.
• Print "manhunt" mixer sheets and bring plenty of sharpened pencils.
• Select pertinent movie clips for to generate material for discussion questions (e.g., "Vacation," "Parenthood," "Dad.")
• Prepare discussion questions from the movie that will generate thought and responses from parents and kids.
• Have stamped envelopes and paper ready for letters. Also have self-addressed, stamped evaluation cards ready.

GROUP BUILDING

The basic flow of the meeting should be similar to a typical club or youth group meeting. Start by singing some fast oldies like "Hound Dog" or "Blue Suede Shoes" to set a fun mood. Next, lead a mixer. A good idea is to print up a "manhunt" sheet that will describe people that everyone will have to find and get their signatures. For example, you may have to find someone who has had a flat tire on a vacation, another who can hum the "Brady Bunch" theme, or another who has had a surprise birthday party in the past few years. Think of twelve to eighteen descriptions and print them on sheet. The first one with all the signatures wins! This game is also know as "Human Bingo," and cards can be done as a bingo card.

After the mixer, have everyone sing Harry Chapin’s "Cat’s in the Cradle." This will be discussed later.

GROUP DISCUSSION

Mention the power of the last song sung and how it should stimulate feelings about our families. Inform the group that they will get a chance to talk about these feelings in family groups later.

Move then to the prepared movie clips and show important family-related clips from "Vacation," "Dad," and "Parenthood." Encourage the audience to think of similarities and differences within their own families.

GROUP DISCUSSION

After the clips have ended, have everyone get into their family groups. Hand out a prepared question sheet to each group and allow them fifteen minutes to discuss the answers. Here are some suggested questions to ask about the film clips:

• When has your family had a "Vacation" catastrophe? What happened? How did each person of the family react? What is your greatest vacation memory?
• Have you as a parent sometimes felt too busy to spend quality time with your child? Have you as a son or daughter ever felt like you were less than number one on your parent’s priority list? How can we all work to make our family members a priority?
• What have you held (are holding) inside that you have always wanted to tell your dad? Your mother? Your child? How can we work toward being more open with our love and frustrations?
• When, if ever, have you had a surprise birthday party? How did or would it feel?

EVALUATION AND FOLLOW UP

After the discussion, have everyone spend five minutes writing his or her parent or child a letter of whatever may be on his or her heart. Have them place it in a provided envelope, address it, and hand it back to you (the youth leader) to be mailed back in two weeks. When you mail the letters, include a self-analysis stamped evaluation card asking questions concerning the effectiveness of the meeting, what changes have taken place in their families, and what they would change about the meeting.

IMPLICATIONS

1. In a day when most teens have very few significant adults to whom they feel close, the role of the parent becomes even more important in the socialization of their children.
2. Adolescence is naturally a tough time on a teen and on a family. Youth workers must become involved with the kid as well as his or her family to be most effective.
3. Teens want to break away from and feel trapped by "oppressive" parents. Parents want to hold onto the control of their "little ones." Youth workers need to provide the families of our kids with a positive way to grow together, to communicate more effectively and to enjoy one another.

Anne Montague cCYS

Meltz, B.F. (2000, January 13). At parenting sites, credibility is the concern. The Boston Globe, pp. E1, 4, 5.

OVERVIEW

In preparing to write this article, the writer selected Yahoo! to find out answers for an inquiry she had received on thumb-sucking. She found four possibilities: one for adult thumb-suckers, a second a book advertisement…and then two porn sites. Bed-wetting brought up ten choices including a definition, chat rooms, and "free" consultation with a doctor which would actually cost $475. Her lesson learned: forget the search engines.

Consulted experts recommend that parents avoid easy question and answer formats that purport to give advice; "the best parenting sites offer information and research, not advice." Unidentified "experts" should be read cautiously and chat rooms may waste a good bit of your time.

Early-childhood Internet guru and curriculum coordinator at the Sharing Place Child Care Center in Orono, Maine, Bonnie Blagojevic, has some good general advice for parents. " ‘Look at the reputation of the group offering the information. A reputable site immediately spells out its goal or purpose and identifies the author and sponsoring organization. If there’s a bias, a reputable site will tell you so right away.’ "

 

Blagofevic also recommends ListServ discussion groups, "which are like chat rooms except that they are not instantaneous." You can find Blagojevic’s Early Childhood Education On Line. You can subscribe to this at no charge by sending e-mail to LISTSERV@Maine.edu and typing subscribe ECEOL-L and your name in the message field.

Here are some sites recommended to parents:

www.npn.org This site of the National Parent Information Network is sponsored by ERIC and funded by the US Department of Education. This is the world’s largest database for teachers and parents.

www.zerotothree.org This is sponsored by a national nonprofit for the benefit of parents with children 0-3.

www.umaine.edu/edhd This is mostly for teachers but plenty here for parents as well.

www.naeye.org The National Association for the Education of Young Children is the nations most respected accrediting organization for day care and preschool.

www.nmsa.org The National Middle School Association offers research materials for parents of 10-14 year olds.

www.indiana.edu/~cafs Center for Adolescent Studies at Indiana University. Click on "Sites for Parents," Parenting Adolescents," and "Archives." 

www.ldonline.org LDOnline is sponsored by the Learning Project of WETA-TV and radio Washington, DC and the Coordinated Campaign for Learning Disabilities.

www.familyeducation.com Family Education Network for parents and teachers. Too much advertising and too complicated but it contains good information.

www.aap.org

•  The American Academy of Pediatrics is a definitive site for health information.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION

1. Can you see how this Encyclopedia, though containing far less material than many other sites, is a first-stop beginning for research covering a vast field and pointing you in more specific directions?
2. What do you need to know? Who can best help you with you question or with advice on where to search for your answers?
3. Are you most confused about parenting or using the Internet?

IMPLICATIONS

• If your questions are primarily about parenting, we hope you can find answers in our Encyclopedia and the links and sources we have passed on to you. Realize that counselors and local pastors can also turn you in helpful directions.
• If you realize there is important information on the Internet but don’t know how to use it, ask those with more experience, especially young people, for help.
• For additional help regarding how to use our Encyclopedia or the Internet you might email us at cys@centerforyouth.org 

Dean Borgman cCYS

 

Mott, S. (ed.). (1985). Therapeutic guidelines for helping children cope with divorce. In The nursing care of children and families. Addison-Wesley.

OVERVIEW

This article offers helpful suggestions for dealing with children experiencing divorce:

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Smollar, J. & Youniss, J. (1985). Parent-adolescent relations in adolescents whose parents are divorced. Journal of Early Adolescence, 5, pp. 129-144.

OVERVIEW

Analysis of the results of a questionnaire given to forty-eight students at a middle class high school whose parents are divorced.

 

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